December 27, 2009
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"But we invented English!"
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3988 hit(s)
Now and again, an Englishperson will utter what they imagine to be the ultimate argument for why their particular brand of English is the One True Language: "But we invented English!"
 This is, needless to say, a specious argument. Except apparently it is needful to say, because I keep running across this argument. (#, #, #, #, #, #, ...) Herewith, therefore, a short guide to just why the argument "But we invented English" is nonsense.
1. No one invented English. What, you did? You and your sisters, and your cousins, and your aunts? Not quite. English has been in development, via many fascinating historical and linguistic turns, since before the Saxons and Danes established themselves in the British Isles in pre-Medieval times. Since that time, this once purely Germanic language has taken on a heavy dose of Old French, a healthy helping of Latin and Greek, and some tang from practically every other language it's ever come into contact with. This was not exactly a guided enterprise.
2. We invented English, too. If your ancestors invented English (which they didn't, see previous point), so did mine. British and American English began their split around 1600. That's still about 800 years of common Anglo-Saxon history and 500 years of common Anglo-Norman history before the split. Many people (maybe more) in the New World share that linguistic ancestry with everyone living in Engelond.
3. American English is more conservative than British English. American English preserves older grammatical and vocabulary and pronunciation (!) features, hence by some additional specious logic, is more "authentic" to the "original" version of English. The list of ways in which American English is "purer" than British English is too long to recount here. But as a good summary, try the first chapter of Origins of the Specious by Patricia O'Conner and Stewart Kellerman.
4. Conversely, British English is more "corrupted". British English has changed more with respect to "original" English than other dialects. Notably American, of course. See point #3: if you are British and speak English in some other way than Shakespeare did, how is it you're not speaking a "corrupted" English?
5. The English themselves don't even speak one version of English. From Newcastle to Norwich to Eastbourne to Penzance, England alone has more ways to speak English than the rest of the world. I exaggerate, but not much. The English, they invented English, and Scouse, and Geordie, and Brummie, and, what, a hundred other ways to not speak English the way it was invented by the English.
6. So what? Even if the English "invented" English -- but see points 1 through 5 -- why does that matter? Consider an analogy. The style of music known as rock-and-roll originated in the United States. (Note that I did not say "was invented" in the U.S.[1]) So Americans were the first to play rock-and-roll. Does this mean that a) the only way to play rock-and-roll correctly is the way that Americans do (whatever that might be), and b) Americans can run around the world telling people that they don't play rock-and-roll right? I'm trying to imagine how well that would go over. Especially in England.
Then again, I might be off base (<--Americanism) here. Perhaps English is like Szechuan cuisine, and the only way to get the authentic thing is to go to the source. Feel free to explain to me how this inventing-English thing works.
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